Success comes with age, or does it?|At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants. At age 12, success is...having friends. At age 16, success is...having a driver's license. At age 20, success is...having sex. At age 35, success is...having money. At age 50, success is...having money. At age 60, success is...having sex. At age 70, success is...having a driver's license. At age 75, success is...having friends. At age 90, success is...not peeing in your pants. 
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Home | Submit Joke | Contact Us | Rss Feed |Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years.Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch.And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an arguement.The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.Heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went back the air port. "I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?""Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars." |1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors." 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO." 4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think." 8. Practice making fax and modem noises. 9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss. 10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." 12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing. 13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. 14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." 16. Staple pages in the middle of the page. 17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. 18. Honk and wave to strangers. 19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register. 20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE. 21. type only in lowercase. 22. dont use any punctuation either 23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times. "DO YOU HEAR THAT?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." 25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. 27. Ask people what gender they are. 28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 30. Sing along at the opera. 31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." 